When you’re in a relationship, it can be easy to slip into set daily routines which might not include quite as much spontaneity, frivolity and affection with your partner as when you were in that first flush of love. Life has a habit of coming up with all kinds of hurdles to a care-free, explorative love-life; family responsibilities, a stressful job or worrying over health and financial pressures can make the warm bond of relationship intimacy feel like a long-forgotten dream.
Does this sound familiar to you? What can realistically be done to solve this problem? I’ll start by saying I can’t promise a quick fix or cure-all for relationship intimacy problems, but what I can do is suggest ways to re-inject the fun into your life together as a couple – and in particular, your sex life. When the big bad worries I mentioned earlier cause horrid life stress, it’s difficult to view improving your sex life as a priority. However, keeping the spark alive in the bedroom will help you stay feeling close as a couple, and there are many other physical, mental and emotional benefits too.
Although my fellow sex educators and I are doing our best to spread the good sex toys word, there are still those who would see the inclusion of sex toys in a sex life with a partner as unnecessary. I’ve heard of people viewing sex toys as something of a replacement to sex or even an admission of defeat in terms of satisfying your partner. This is certainly not the case. I’ve said many times before that “sex toys are the seasoning to a good sex life, not a replacement” and I stand by that statement. Although sex toys and bedroom products can’t hope to fix deep-rooted and serious relationship issues, using these tools in your sex life together can lead to a shared exciting and enjoyable adventure.
Let’s look at just 10 ways in which sex toys can help increase relationship intimacy.
Sex toys can help start the conversation about sex
It can be difficult and awkward talking about your sex life with your partner, particularly if everything’s not 100% honeymoon excitement and a different position from the Kama Sutra every night. Separately, you might wish things were different, or have desires you’d love to make reality. But how can you ever get that conversation started?
You could buy a non-scary sex toy to surprise them with in the bedroom. Or, sit down with your partner when you do have 5 minutes private time together and load up an online sex shop for some naughty shopping together. Pretty soon you’ll find yourself discussing the types of things you like the look of, whether it’s vibrators, lingerie or adult games.
Using sex toys can spice things up if you’re stuck in a sex life rut
We’ve touched on how a sex life in a long term relationship can become routine. If you’re stuck in a sex life rut, going through the same motions before you’re both done, then you need to change things up to rediscover the excitement. Using sex toys can help you do just that.
How about a bullet vibrator to add a buzzy thrill during foreplay, or a vibrating cock ring to provide mutually enjoyed stimulation during sex? There are even couples vibrators which can be worn during sex which are controlled via wireless remote control or SmartPhone app.
If you know their head was turned by Fifty Shades of Grey, or you’ve always hid a desire for more kinky pleasures, there’s a large selection of bondage sex toys which can turn your sex life from standard to sizzling.
Sex toys can help you discover new aspects about each other’s bodies
While using your new sex toys in the bedroom, you might be surprised at how much you learn about your partner’s body that you never realised before. Perhaps they absolutely love clitoral stimulation, but vaginal stimulation not so much. Maybe he adores being touched and stimulated round his perineum, and even further, the beginnings of anal pleasure.
Does she have super sensitive nipples? Maybe he’s always wanted more attention on his testicles. A couples massager or bullet vibrator can put the power of stimulating discovery in your hands. Make sure there’s no pressure from either side, start with a relaxed environment of exploration and discovery and see where your new adventure leads.
Sex toys can help with bedroom confidence & other issues
We can’t all be Casanova or Aphrodite. It’s natural to feel nervous about whether you’re up to scratch in the bedroom department and whether your partner is satisfied in your sex life together. This is especially true if you find that you’re having certain difficulties when it comes to sex.
Although it feels like it’s just you, sexual problems such as difficulty reaching orgasm, difficulty becoming aroused or maintaining an erection and premature ejaculation are fairly common. Maybe not all the time, but I’d wager that the majority of you reading this has experienced difficulties with at least one of those problems at least once in your sexually active, adult life.
From personal experience, I know that it was using sex toys that helped me discover a much easier route to orgasm. I started with rabbit vibrators and learned that clitoral stimulation is really where it’s at for me, and these days a powerful magic wand vibrator (the Doxy Massager) is my ultimate favourite sex toy.
To know more about the different types of orgasm, read it here.
There are sex toys and sexual products designed to help you with common sexual problems. For instance cock rings work to maintain a harder, longer lasting erection by temporarily trapping the flow of blood in the shaft of the penis. Using condoms can delay your own orgasm while still providing your partner with the pleasure they desire.
Sex toys can highlight just how strong your relationship is
Using sex toys in a relationship can actually go a long way towards strengthening your bond, and therefore increasing intimacy. Using bedroom products shows you’re not intimidated by their use, whether you’re using sex toys together or alone.
On that note, the sexual satisfaction gained from masturbation is an important element of overall happiness and shouldn’t be trivialised or disregarded. Personally, I find the satisfaction from masturbation a very different type of sexual happiness than I get from sex with my partner. As a bonus, the endorphins and happy hormones released through orgasm makes a person calmer, less stressed and should therefore lead to less snapping at and rows with your partner. Win!
It’s no good pretending you don’t have any! Most sexually aware adults harbour at least one fantasy, whether that ever makes it to reality or not. Do you have any sexual fantasies you’d like to make reality with your partner?
Props can help you form the right atmosphere for sexy roleplay, from a schoolgirl outfit or nurse’s costume to wielding that “assume the position right now” spanking paddle.
If he’s always had a fantasy of giving up his anal virginity, it could be that you need to start shopping for a beginner’s strap on harness and compatible beginner’s pegging dildo.
Sex toys can play a part in maintaining your sexual health
Doing your best to stay at the peak of your sexual health will help to keep you reassured and happy in your sex life – whether that’s your own masturbation fun or sex with your partner.
Had you ever considered that sex toys can help maintain good sexual health?
For her, keeping pelvic floor muscles toned will not only keep everything shipshape inside but can also mean more satisfying sex and longer, more powerful orgasms. Kegel Balls (also known as Ben Wa balls or Jiggle Balls) can really help here.
For him, regular stimulation of the prostate gland (a walnut shaped gland about your longest finger’s depth inside the anal area) can keep the prostate healthy, an important safeguard against prostate cancer. Manual stimulation can be difficult (and offputting if you’re squeamish about getting ‘butt-messy’) so try a specially shaped prostate massager to help. You can buy static prostate massagers or up the excitement with a waterproof, remote controlled vibrating prostate massager.
Once your sex life at home is feeling much more exciting and stimulating (physically and mentally) why not plan a weekend away (if budget allows)?
Having a weekend during which the focus is just totally on your as a couple, together, doing adult (non-work, non-family) things can help you once again view both yourself and your partner as a couple in love with an exciting imaginative sex life.
Take some new sex toys – whether you shopped for them together or as a gift for your partner – and enjoy the thrilling sensations they provide. The way sex toys will make it easy to introduce sex to the occasion and easy to explore what turns them on will have you wondering why you didn’t discover them years ago.
Sex toys make for exciting, private gifts on a special occasion
Is it their birthday coming up? Are you going on a summer holiday this year and want to spice up the nights together? Thinking of starting your Christmas shopping early? Sex toys can be a wonderful gift to your partner – as long as you make sure the present is discreetly labelled and definitely opened in private, of course!
This idea is probably best tried out once you have a better idea of and understanding about your partner’s turn-ons and sex toy preferences. You wouldn’t want to get them a butt plug when they’re really after a magic wand vibrator.
Sex toys are incredibly fun to use
Sex toys can help increase relationship intimacy between you and your partner simply because they’re so fun. There’s such an enormous variety of sex toy shapes, materials, styles, settings… sex toys really are a whole new world of intimate stimulation and pleasures.
For more tips on increasing intimacy, take a look at this Psychology Today article.
Exploring this new world of sexual pleasure is bound to be an intimate experience. From the moment you sit down together to shop online for sex toys up to each new sex toy adventure in the bedroom, your sex life will be an exciting adventure with renewed energy and enthusiasm.
Keeping your love life fresh and interesting by including sex toys lets your partner know you care about them, that you’re prioritising their pleasure in every way you can, and that you’re putting in the effort to maintain a close physical bond. I hope this article has given you some great ideas about how sex toys can increase relationship intimacy between you and your partner.